Reflecting on my life is not something I particularly enjoy doing; in fact, I quite literally actively avoid it. I am my own worst critic and I tend to be very hard on myself when things “don’t go according to plan” even if they’re beyond my control. The past four years have just kind of blended together in a goalless blur with no defining moments separating them and I feel so very stuck. The fear of facing the cumulative time, energy and resources I cannot physically account and atone for is damn near paralyzing and completely overshadows any sense of joy and accomplishment from the fruits of my labour. . .thats if there are any. If want to change this, I’m going to have to face the music and set goals for myself, write them down so I can see them and crush them. Lets do this.
SchoolThis has to be the one area I have disappointed myself the most in. Did I tell you guys I’m doing a biochemistry degree at the University of Kwa-Zulu Natal? My academics were in serious jeopardy last semester when my health took a serious turn for the worst. I can’t tell if my efforts to remedy this situation have been in vain or not because I haven’t checked out my results yet. Luckily for me, in a contingency effort for the disturbances caused by the #feesmustfall protests, the university has decided not to academically exclude anybody from the 2016 academic year so my future may not be so bleek in that regard except that my degree may take longer than I have expected. The issue with my health is a complicated one and no it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m a fat woman. Don’t try it.I don’t know what these results hold for me but I want, no , Need an aggregate of at least 75% this semester. Firstly because I want the best for myself and its been a while since I have set actual academic goal like that and secondly because I may stand a chance to get some funds that will go towards any modules I may have to repeat. Fingers crossed guys.Although I won’t be putting my business out there like that if it doesn’t work out. As far as you know, my life is just peachy.
Look I don’t know where I’m going with it but all I know is sitting in front of a camera, talking and writing about stuff is something I enjoy doing and anything worth doing is worth doing well. Although procrastinating would ever so silently creep in and entice me with glorious hours of sweet nothings, content creation did have to take a backseat a number of times last year because of my issues and priorities however with lots of planning, scheduling and time management, a minimum of three blog posts and videos per week seems like a doable and achievable goal. I need to master this consistency game. Speaking of which, I need to work on my time management. Doing things in advance needs to become a habit because 2016 and the unpredictability of life in general showed me flames.
My blog design needs a serious update and I need to buy a domain but the trouble is, my budget isn’t very forgiving. Being a University student, one thing I have in abundance is wifi so I will be spending a good 2-4 days learning how to code blogspot designing it myself with the help of online tutorials. I think I’ve done a good job so far if I do say so myself. I might even take a class or two to improve my writing.
Business prospects are something I thought I would only venture into around my 30s; you know, when I have a stable income and resources. But here’s the thing, a few people around campus know I have a camera and makeup and they tell their friends, and their friends contact me asking me to take their money, beat their faces and take photos of them. When I bought this stuff, Photography and makeup artistry were never the plan. Between Studying, blogging and creating youtube videos, I will be practicing on a few people kind enough to lend me their faces and bodies and see how far I can take this. Won’t hurt to explore the market now will it? Hopefully I will be good enough to render my services by graduation season.
I was hoping to get an opportunity to travel and collect stories of Southern Africa’s tribal history starting with my own but that seems highly unlikely . I’ll be spending some time trying to mend relationships with some of my family members I’ve isolated myself from over the years and getting over my social issues and fat girl gym guilt which I think this deserves a blog post of its own because it stems from my relatively newfound body positivity. Also there is my hair which has been looking quite thin lately and also needs a blog post of its own.
Most importantly, I need to try to take it easy and not be so hard on myself. . .nah. If I could I’d administer my own a$$ whoopings when I mess up.
Okay that’s all I dare to share for now. I’ll do an update post at the beginning of the second semester
We made it into 2017 guys. I wish you all the best.
Don’t be a stranger.